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One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of a decade, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, she feels the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. It also frustrates me because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an influencer yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I prefer not to be involved. On occasion I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed mid-bite. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to another person, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me serving as her free crew. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become merely a tally of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and film me laughing with another. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our 10-year friendship still has limits. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I want my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about shooting content. It’s not just a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it's savvy to make money from your passions. I look up to people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of informal, self-made content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, posting them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uncomfortable. Taking her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could benefit her professional path too. That’s not blackmail, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see what the work we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Being recorded occasionally is part and parcel of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my private videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a short video here or there would be fun for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally embarrass her. But creating content jointly occasionally is part of how I record our time together.

I value our friendship deeply and want to avoid making videos to come between us. I am ready to compromise: like asking before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her uncomfortable.

This isn’t about power, it's regarding sharing my world while still considering hers. Obviously making content is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I get that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I don’t make friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. Given the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

She may enjoy producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everyone. It’s nice she has assisted Beth’s career, but she must to listen to what her friend desires.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you care about each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the priority in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she’s working. Both seem confused as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

Consider this question: is Marielle exploiting their friendship?